My editor suggested that I look at an
episode of The Bachelorette, a show I’ve never seen before but I’m
told is popular in some circles. So I tuned in to ABC on Monday night. From
what I could gather, it’s a show about a young American girl, Kaitlyn, living
in a big castle in Ireland, where she has seven or eight guys working for her —
flattering her, trying to keep her from crying whenever they’re not crying
themselves, and doing everything possible to get her to give them a rose, which
seems to be used in The Bachelorette as a form of currency or
status.
Original Post:
Thus sayeth our host Chris Harrison on last night's hot mess of a Bachelorette episode. Where to start?
Shawn. He's proclaimed on a couple of previous episodes that Kaitlyn had told him he was "the one." That sounded like wishful thinking to me, simply because it's against the rules of the show. Suspense about the outcome must be maintained to the very end or else there's no show. Apparently, however, she did meet with him secretly early on and say those magic words. Big mistake, Kaitlyn. Big mistake. On the other hand, Shawn, get it together. As we've said to Britt and every other previous contestant who's expressed annoyance when they don't get every rose, Haven't you ever watched the show? This is how it works. Here's how former Bachelorette Ali Fedotowsky explains it at her blog:
I totally get why
Shawn was upset when he didn't get the group date rose, but he needs to
understand that Kaitlyn probably wanted to give it to him but couldn't. If she
gave the group date rose to the guy she wanted to every date, Nick and Shawn
would get every single group date rose. There would be no show because most of
the guys would want to leave. Put yourself in her shoes, do you REALLY think it
would take 3 months to narrow down a group of 25 guys to, let's say, the top 3?
Absolutely NOT! You do that the very first night. The rest of the
"journey" is just going through the motions and trying to be as fair
as possible to the guys that are there that you don't have a connection with.
Could a guy surprise you along the way that you didn't initially have strong
feelings for, yeah. But it's not super likely.
The two-on-one date. Joe and JJ had to endure the dreaded two-on-one date and once again I'll defer to Ali for some behind-the-scenes scoop on how things really work:
The 2-on-1 date is pointless in my mind.
It’s a Bachelor/ette staple so I guess it is here to stay, but the
Bachelor/ette would never take people they actually like on this date. Has
anyone ever gone on this date and ended up being the final one? Absolutely not.
You would never put someone you really care about through this. I think Joe
surprised Kaitlyn on this date and she ended up liking him a little but he’ll
be gone by the next episode. I'd bet my last slice of pizza on it. And I love
my pizza. (Note to future contestants: if you get assigned the two-on-one,
you're toast.)
This time around? JJ was toast. Kaitlyn
and Joe sail away on a weird little boat while JJ stands there, alone and
forlorn, pondering his fate and thinking wistfully of Clint. He won't be alone
for long, however. According to People, he (and Tanner) will surface again on
Bachelor in Paradise.
Now, finally, after an hour and 15 minutes, we get to what should have been last week's rose ceremony. Jared, Joe and Nick have roses from dates, Ben H, Cupcake Chris and Shawn get roses during the ceremony and Ben Z and Tanner have to take a moment to say their good-byes. In his blog this morning, Chris Harrison says he's sure we haven't seen the last of Ben Z. Is he headed to Paradise too? Could he be the next Bachelor?
And then there were six...
Now for the really big change. Chris H makes his way to Kaitlyn's room. First, he sits there listening intently and pretending not to know that Kaitlyn and Nick did it in San Antonio. (The camera crew was right outside the bedroom door, the microphones were on and a cameraman recorded Nick's walk of shame the next morning. Are we really supposed to believe Mr. Harrison didn't know what happened?) Then he drops the bombshell and informs our Bachelorette that the whole structure of the show is going to change. The usual pattern, going all the way back to Alex Michel in season one, is that the six remaining contestants are culled down to four, resulting in the episode known as Hometown Dates, followed by Fantasy Suite dates for the final three, followed by the final two meeting the Bachelor/ette's family.
Not this time. Kaitlyn will have to split the herd in half. Three stay and go directly to the Fantasy Suite, three are going directly home. Wow. He then goes to drop the same bombshell on the guys. Double wow. He also informs them that there will be three one-on-one dates before the next rose ceremony, starting right now. The date card goes to Cupcake, and for anyone familiar with the ways of this show, it's obvious that Cupcake's number is up. First, if he made it to the end and is now engaged to Kaitlyn, or if he was in line to possibly be the next Bachelor, there's no way the show would be calling him Cupcake. It just doesn't fit. Second, Kaitlyn is so not into the date. As they're enjoying their helicopter ride over beautiful Ireland, and it really is spectacular, she says in voiceover, "He has no idea what I have in store for him." On the surface she's referring to their romantic picnic, but clearly, like JJ, Cupcake is toast and it doesn't take long before Kaitlyn is flying away in the helicopter and Cupcake is pulling a full Mesnick. It's been sweet, Cupcake and you've got great teeth, but this is good-bye.
And... scene. Meet me back here next week, Rosebuds, same Bach time, same Bach channel.
And then there were six...
Now for the really big change. Chris H makes his way to Kaitlyn's room. First, he sits there listening intently and pretending not to know that Kaitlyn and Nick did it in San Antonio. (The camera crew was right outside the bedroom door, the microphones were on and a cameraman recorded Nick's walk of shame the next morning. Are we really supposed to believe Mr. Harrison didn't know what happened?) Then he drops the bombshell and informs our Bachelorette that the whole structure of the show is going to change. The usual pattern, going all the way back to Alex Michel in season one, is that the six remaining contestants are culled down to four, resulting in the episode known as Hometown Dates, followed by Fantasy Suite dates for the final three, followed by the final two meeting the Bachelor/ette's family.
Not this time. Kaitlyn will have to split the herd in half. Three stay and go directly to the Fantasy Suite, three are going directly home. Wow. He then goes to drop the same bombshell on the guys. Double wow. He also informs them that there will be three one-on-one dates before the next rose ceremony, starting right now. The date card goes to Cupcake, and for anyone familiar with the ways of this show, it's obvious that Cupcake's number is up. First, if he made it to the end and is now engaged to Kaitlyn, or if he was in line to possibly be the next Bachelor, there's no way the show would be calling him Cupcake. It just doesn't fit. Second, Kaitlyn is so not into the date. As they're enjoying their helicopter ride over beautiful Ireland, and it really is spectacular, she says in voiceover, "He has no idea what I have in store for him." On the surface she's referring to their romantic picnic, but clearly, like JJ, Cupcake is toast and it doesn't take long before Kaitlyn is flying away in the helicopter and Cupcake is pulling a full Mesnick. It's been sweet, Cupcake and you've got great teeth, but this is good-bye.
And... scene. Meet me back here next week, Rosebuds, same Bach time, same Bach channel.
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