Wednesday, January 16, 2019

Blogging The Bach - Updated

Did you hear that Arie and Lauren got married? It's true and as I said in last week's Guessing Game post (read it here,) I have to eat a little crow. Last year when Arie got engaged to Lauren in dramatic fashion after breaking up with Becca, I said that pigs will dance on Mars before the two of them get married. I gave it six months. Yes, Rosebuds, I was wrong. They made it legal on Saturday in Hawaii with Our Host Chris Harrison officiating and several Bachelor alums in attendance. They're also expecting a baby.

Harrison posted some Instagram pictures:



... and although the happy couple didn't make the cover of People, they are featured as an "Exclusive" on the new issue of Us Weekly:



There was also this little drama between ex-friends Arie and Jef Holm, who competed against each other on Emily Maynard's season, became BFF's then for some reason started hating each other:


No word yet on whether Jef has paid up. 

I still don't find Arie and Lauren to be particularly compelling as a couple, but for what it's worth, so far at least, Bachelor/Bachelorette couples who get married, stay married.

With that, I'll segue into the new season of The Bachelor, starring Colton Underwood, starting, as usual, with the updated list:
  1. Alex Michel
  2. Aaron Buerge
  3. Andrew Firestone
  4. Bob Guiney
  5. Jesse Palmer
  6. Byron Velvick
  7. Charlie O'Connell
  8. Travis Stork
  9. Lorenzo Borghese
  10. Andrew Baldwin
  11. Brad Womack (the first time around)
  12. Matt Grant
  13. Jason Mesnick
  14. Jake Pavelka
  15. Brad Womack (second try) 
  16. Ben Flajnik
  17. Sean Lowe
  18. Juan Pablo Galavais
  19. Chris Soules
  20. Ben Higgins
  21. Nick Viall
  22. Arie Luyendyk, Jr. 
  23. Colton Underwood
Thoughts after two episodes:

Is Colton engaged? Almost certainly, that's the whole point of the show but producers (or ABC's marketing team) are clearly trying to create some suspense about the outcome. In interviews, Colton has dodged the question of whether or not he's engaged, and the "This season on the Bachelor" preview at the end of episode 1 ended with Colton jumping a fence and apparently running off into the night. (Boss of the Bachelor Robert Mills called the maneuver the Underwood Overwood.) Chris Harrison also gave an interview in which he tried to make it sound as if Colton had dropped out halfway through. Did he disappear for good? Don't make me laugh. I wrote about this two years ago when there was a similar storyline on Nick's season:

Nick can't leave. In spite of all the dramatic emoting at the end of episode six and the beginning of episode seven, Nick can't just throw up his hands in despair and leave. That ridiculous storyline is an example of one of my biggest pet peeves about the show, i.e., it was totally scripted and completely fake.

How do I know? Because The Bachelor is big business, there's serious money at stake and Nick is an employee with a signed contract. He can't just walk away. Seriously. Think about it. Ask yourself this: What would happen if the lead walked out after filming 6 episodes? Answer: There would be no show. ABC would be running reruns of Dancing With The Stars on Monday nights and we'd all be watching The Apprentice. (And the quitter would be facing a serious lawsuit.) I can't imagine any circumstances, other than an actual tragedy like the death of the lead, under which they would stop filming and shut down production.
(Read the entire post here.)

Note that a few months  after I wrote that, production on Bachelor In Paradise was temporarily shut down, not due to the death of anyone but to deal with an issue of sexual consent, but in the end filming started up again and the show went on as planned.

Anyway, take a deep breath and relax. Colton won't be gone for long.

Colton is young and so are the women. After two 36-year-old Bachelors, Nick and Arie, Colton is a whole decade younger, turning 27 on January 26. His women are young too, the youngest, Heather, is 22 and the oldest Elyse and Tracy, are 31. Nine are 23 and the average age is 25.4, which is actually a pretty good fit for Colton. Many, many of them are blonde:


I admit that I struggled a bit to get my blogger juices flowing to write about the show this time around, possibly because after 22 previous seasons, quite a few of my thoughts were repetitive. In other words, I've written similar stuff before.

From Chris Soules' season, in a post titled Pomegranates And Pig Noses, Kids Named Kale and Too Much Whiskey, dated January 6, 2015:

A Red Carpet? Really? When it was announced that the premiere would be a live three-hour special, I figured it would be like the Women Tell All and After The Final Rose shows, with fans watching in real time in a large viewing room. We got to that eventually but first we had to endure almost a full hour of "red carpet arrivals." Note to producers: The Bach isn't the Oscars and Sean & Catherine, Des & Chris, Andi & Josh, et al, are so not Brangelina. The whole thing was way, way too self-referential and when I saw a bug at the top of the screen that said "first limo arrival in 58 minutes," I almost bailed. The DVR was running and I figured I could catch up in the morning, happily fast-forwarding through the boring parts. In the end I stayed, but just barely.

On the other hand, give the producers credit. They've been very savvy about building the brand of this show and utilizing social media to keep fans engaged. I heard the show was trending on Twitter last night, and as of 10.15 Tuesday morning as I'm writing this it's still at #3. I've said many times that the most entertaining part about the show is following the hilarious tweets in real time and it's still true.
(Read the post here.)

It wasn't exactly the same, but four years later we had another 3-hour premiere and it didn't work any better than the first one. Too much!

From Ben's season, A Horse, A Bachelorette And A Unicorn Walk Into A Mansion, dated January 12, 2016:

I'm so glad ABC ditched the big red carpet arrival and live watch party they tried last year. This time around we're back to the regular format: A review of Ben's journey, shots of him driving and looking pensive, some intro videos of selected women, then, drum roll please, the limo arrivals.

I thought Ben handled himself well, but really. How weird must it feel to stand there as each successive woman gets out of the limo and tries to be memorable? I assume he got coaching, from producers and/or the show's resident shrink, on how to remain calm, handle everything as it comes, no eye-rolling or doubling over in despair, etc.
(Read the post here.) 

From Nick's season, The Bach Is Back And So Am I! dated exactly two years ago today, January 16, 2017, and talking about how the show has changed since the first season in 2002:

The biggest difference, however is not what we see on screen but what happens off screen: Social Media. Strange as it sounds now, Social Media almost didn't exist in 2002. No Twitter, no Facebook, no cell phone cameras and no Instagram, etc. It was a lot easier to keep the outcome secret in those days, and the participants didn't become nearly as famous as they do today. In fact, I've come to believe that "gaining enough Instagram followers to make money with #ads" is now the prime reason for going on the show.

The most recent Bachelorette, JoJo, has 2 million followers, and Ben Higgins has 1.5 million. Even such also-rans as Ashley Iaconetti, Caila Quinn, Amanda Stanton and Jade Roper Tolbert have several hundred thousand followers each. Do they run ads? Oh you bet they do, for such stellar products as vitamins that make your hair shiny, tea that helps you lose weight, and Ponds Cold Cream. (Both JoJo and Kaitlyn want us to believe that they've been using Ponds for years, which is, to put it mildly, not credible.) JoJo's runner up Robby Hayes (current Insta followers: 333,000,) got himself in hot water when it came out that he had reached out to previous Bach alums and asked them to help him get more followers. Even with all the evidence to the contrary, it's still important to pretend that everyone is there for the "right reasons."
(Read the post here.)  

Last year I didn't do weekly blog posts about Arie's season; it wasn't until the scandal happened during the finale and After The Final Rose that I took to the blog. You can read all my Arie posts here.

Former contestant Sharleen Joynt, who was on Juan Pablo's season in 2014 and now writes about the show from that informed perspective, gives a weekly list of her top four contestants. Specifically, who she thinks is on track to win. She is ferociously unspoiled, and bases her lineup on things like screen time, background music, one-on-one dates and alone time with Colton. After episode one, her top four were:

  1. Cassie
  2. Hannah G
  3. Caelynn
  4. Demi

After week two, a slight revision, with Cassie and Hannah G switching places and apparent villain-in-the-making Demi replaced by 31-year-old Elyse:

  1. Hannah G
  2. Cassie
  3. Caelynn
  4. Elyse

Sharleen's initial predictions are usually right on target. It's unlikely that Demi will win, given her edit but right now I'd say there's a pretty good chance Colton is engaged to either Cassie, Hannah G, or Caelynn, with Elyse as a possible longshot.

You can read Sharleen's posts at Canadian magazine Flare.com (click here) or at her personal website All The Pretty Pandas. That's all for now, Rosebuds, meet me back here next week, same Bach time, same Bach channel.   

Monday morning update. Bach runners-up Jason and Blake were on Good Morning, America this morning  and at the end of their segment they each listed their top three guesses to win. Who did they pick? Blake says it's Caelynn, Hannah B or Hannah G; Jason picked Elyse, Caelynn and Hannah G.

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