Yes, There Will Be Schadenfreude

Lots of schadenfreude. When People published their new cover, at 7.00 a.m. central time Wednesday, they had no idea that their headline, "LIFE AFTER SCANDAL," would, in a matter of hours, be both eerily prescient and woefully out-of-date. "Josh's life in seclusion"? You have no idea.



What to say about the Duggars now? Thoughts:

There's no eraser on the internet. Josh first posted his apology on the family's website shortly after lunchtime. Not too many minutes later, he, his parents and/or their PR person apparently decided he shouldn't cop to being addicted to porn and the statement was taken down to be revised. Gawker tracked the edits, which also deleted the reference to Satan and to Josh's illegal activities as a teenager:



Unfortunately (for Josh,) even in the short time the original statement was live, several websites grabbed screen shots that preserve the original language, and most of the articles I've seen are now describing Mr. Duggar as both an adulterer and an internet porn addict. Once it's out there, it's out there. There's no going back. 

Clueless. Before the new scandal went public there were reports that parents Jim Bob and Michelle were trying to get themselves back on television, pitching a new "reality" show featuring them as, wait for it, counselors to victims of sexual abuse. If true, this represents a mind-boggling level of clueless self-regard that would get them not only laughed out of, but sneered out of any pitch meeting. 

In the original People cover story, they're described as "stunned" by the backlash to Josh's child molestation scandal, because they "truly felt people would understand and eventually be okay with it." They're still stunned this morning: 

Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar are "absolutely stunned" in the wake of their eldest son Josh's confession that he had cheated on wife Anna and had an addiction to pornography, a source with ties to the family tells PEOPLE.

"This wasn't something they ever imagined was possible," says the source. "They so strictly limit their exposure to these sorts of outside influences – from websites to even the sort of television they watch, if they turn on the TV at all – that they were absolutely baffled by how this could have been possible."

It seems to me that it's time for these people to step out of the spotlight, stop trying to rebuild their brand and focus on getting a clue, a real clue, about what's really going on with their family. Josh is clearly a very troubled young man, and I believe it's at least possible that his actions as an adult are driven by what happened when he was growing up. The "no big deal, Josh is fine, you must forgive your brother" way his sexual assault on his sisters was dealt with appears to have left Josh more screwed up than before and I'd bet everyone in that family is scarred by it. 

Please, please, please stop telling other people how to live. As I said when "abstinence advocate" Bristol Palin announced her second out-of-wedlock pregnancy, if your brand is built on purity, and in particular if you're telling others how to live, you'd better be practicing what you preach. If you're not, you're going to be excoriated. The Duggars are not just a large family with an old-fashioned lifestyle. They're politically active in support of a rigid, hateful and intolerant ideology. They have supported far-right politicians, recorded robocalls in support of discrimination and in Josh's case, worked for a non-profit that supports hate and intolerance in the name of so-called traditional family values. (Yes, Josh, you are a hypocrite. And yes, this is snark, but has Mike Huckabee had anything to say about this yet?) For the Duggars, it's time to stop worrying about what other people are doing and start cleaning up the mess in their own home. 

Finally, to Josh's wife and the other women and girls in this family, none of this is your fault. NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT. The most troubling thing I've read in the tsunami of reporting on this story is this quote in one of the many articles at people.com: 

The source says that from their knowledge of Josh and Anna and the Duggar family, "no way is she leaving him" – adding that it would not come as a surprise if "on some level" Anna tries to "absorb some of the blame." 

"Maybe not publicly, ever, but privately, there will be some suggestion of whether or not she should have been more aware of the pressures Josh was under, of the issues he was facing, and how she could have better counseled him or helped him," says the source. 

If Anna Duggar chooses to stay with her husband that's no one's business but hers, but for someone, anyone, to suggest that this is in any way her fault is reprehensible and rage-inducing. Not only is it unfair to her but it deflects some of the responsibility off of Josh. At Salon.com, Brooke Arnold tells what it was like growing up in the "women are chattel/men rule the world" mind-set in families like the Duggars and it's chilling. (Read it here.) 

This entire situation is sad on every level and frankly I wonder if anyone in the Duggar family can ever really recover from it. I'm sincere when I say that I hope they can and do. I'm also sincerely hoping they'll step back, relinquish the spotlight, get real help and let everyone heal in private.